River Roots Redevelopment: Conversations Worth Staying In
- Editor
- 2 hours ago
- 3 min read
Selina Pedi-Smith,
Founder, Pellere Foundation
Last week we ended with an open question: “Maybe the question isn’t how we resolve every difference, but how we decide which conversations are worth staying in.”
That’s an incredibly powerful point.
I think a lot about the energy we give to things, to people. The older I get, the more I think about where I want to spend my energy. And I want to spend my energy on conversations that benefit someone, somehow! So when a conversation ceases to be a conversation, and just turns into someone yelling, I find it healthiest to just…not. To politely remove myself from the situation.
What do we do when a huge chunk of the world seems to be screaming, though? How do we remove ourselves from that situation, without completely checking out of society?
We shrink our focus, not in a head-in-the-sand sort of way, but more in a to-the-grindstone way. We narrow our attention to what we can actually do, what we can actually change, and the people we can actually show up for.
That doesn’t mean ignoring what’s happening in the world. We need to stay aware of what’s unfolding close to home and far away. But awareness doesn’t have to mean absorbing everything. It doesn’t require carrying the full weight of every headline, every outrage cycle, every argument we were never meant to resolve.
There are things worth being angry about. But when we let the noise pull all of our energy into outrage, it can flatten our hope and drain our joy. And neither is expendable. So, we come back to the work in front of us. The conversations we can have well. The communities we’re part of. The small, tangible ways we can act with integrity and care. We choose to participate where we’re actually effective.
How do we find that balance of holding space for anger when it’s due without letting it pull us away from the work that’s actually ours to do?
Now there’s a loaded question. Because, in many ways, we’re taught that anger isn’t okay. I know I was taught—by society, by experience, not explicitly by any one person—that I should never feel anger, and I should definitely never express it. And I don’t think I’m alone in that. So I think maybe that’s part of why anger explodes the way it does. We don’t let it get processed in a healthy way, and then…it’s too late; it all comes out in a rush, and people get hurt, including the person who is exploding.
So I think a huge task for all of us is recognizing that anger is a valid emotion. That it’s allowed to exist. But as a barometer of our values and our sense of self, not as some sort of cataclysmic event. And then, like you said, what we do with that anger depends on what we can actually impact, ‘the small, tangible ways we can act with integrity and care.’ I really like that framing.
That actually brings me back to where we started this conversation, because if anger is a barometer of our values, and not a weapon, then difference doesn’t have to be the thing that fractures and divides us.
When we understand what we’re actually angry about, it becomes easier to see the human sitting across from us, and consider what they might actually be angry about too. Sometimes, we’re not as far apart as we think. We’re just responding through different experiences, different language, or different priorities. And sometimes, yes, we really are misaligned, but even then, we get to choose whether that difference turns into division or simply defines a boundary. When anger is processed instead of unleashed, it can sharpen our clarity without erasing our compassion. It can help us stay rooted in what matters without needing to vilify the people who don’t see it the same way. And that’s where connection has a chance to survive and even thrive, not because we agree, but because we’re grounded enough to stay human with each other.
Rachel Brosnahan is the Community Engagement Coordinator for River Roots Redevelopment. Want to help us rethink what redevelopment can look like—together? Follow the conversation and share your thoughts with us on Facebook and LinkedIn, or reach out directly to rachel@riverrootsredevelopment.org. We’d love to hear from you!
