The Christophers: Judy Henderson Chose ‘Better’ Over ‘Bitter’

Tony Rossi,

Director of Communications,

The Christophers

Shortly after her abusive marriage ended in divorce in 1981, Judy Henderson started dating a man named Greg, whom she believed to be kind and God-fearing. In retrospect, she ignored several “red flags” about him that seem evident now but didn’t register back then. As a result, Judy learned the hard way that the man she had fallen for possessed a serious dark side, one which got her convicted of a murder that he committed, while he got off scot-free. 

During her 36 years in prison, Judy worked hard at becoming “better, not bitter,” growing in her relationship with God, and serving as a light to her fellow inmates. She shares her story in the memoir, “When the Light Finds Us” (co-authored by Jimmy Soni), and we discussed it recently on “Christopher Closeup.”

Judy’s early life laid the groundwork for her relationships with men. Her father was physically abusive to her mother, her siblings, and her. When her mother sought guidance from their minister about the problem, he told her to just “pray about it.” In addition, an assistant pastor sexually assaulted Judy in her youth. Coupled with the fact that theirs was a “fire and brimstone” church, Judy was left with an image of God as “cruel.” 

Later, in her marriage, her husband would get angry and violent whenever she asked him questions. So, she learned to keep quiet. When Judy met Greg, he came across as the opposite of her ex. In reality, Greg was manipulating her, and because of her past, Judy never asked him questions about his suspicious behavior.

“I found out during my incarceration that…you don’t have to be addicted to drugs, alcohol, gambling,” Judy observed. “My addiction was love.” Due to the lack of appropriate love Judy had received growing up, she craved it in all her relationships and was blinded to the fact that it wasn’t real with Greg.

Judy was in the car when Greg committed a murder, then he forced her to go on the run with him. When they were eventually caught, he convinced her to use the same lawyer he had to defend herself. Having no experience with the law, Judy went along with this, which ended up costing her freedom.

“That caused a serious conflict of interest, constitutional-wise, and the fact that I could not testify against [Greg]. I could not say anything that would implicate him because the attorney would lose him as a client…I could not take the stand unless I was willing to come up with an alibi testimony. I refused to put my hand on the Bible and tell a lie. Even though I was angry at God, that Bible was still very important to me.”

While Greg suffered no consequences, Judy was sentenced to life in prison. Her circumstances left her understandably angry. Judy noted, “There are two things you can do with anger…You can either get bitter or get better. I chose better because…the only person I found out you’re hurting [with anger] is yourself. So, you can take that anger…and put that towards something better…Between that and the combination of the deep love I had for my children and my family, they motivated me to do everything that I could…to learn the law, to learn politics, to learn what got me there. These are things I had to soul-search about.”

Notably, it was a Catholic retreat that awakened Judy’s soul in a new way. That part of her story is for my next column.

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For free copies of the Christopher News Note MOVING BEYOND ANGER AND RESENTMENT, write: The Christophers, 264 West 40th Street, Room 603, New York, NY 10018; or e-mail: mail@christophers.org